Episode 11: Accepted, Denied, Deferred: What to Do Next
Episode Description:
The college decisions are starting to arrive. Accepted. Denied. Deferred. Waitlisted. Four words that can completely change the mood in your house.
In Episode 11 of Drop In, Lisa and Josh break down what each college admissions decision actually means, what students should do next, and what parents need to remember when the answer is not the one everyone was hoping for.
They cover what to do after an acceptance, why you should not rush to commit before comparing financial aid offers, what a deferral really means, when to send a Letter of Continued Interest (LOCI), and how to approach a college waitlist without putting your life on hold.
If you have an acceptance in hand, remember that the decision is not over yet. Before committing, take the time to understand what the offer will actually cost. Our guide to decoding your college acceptance letter and financial aid offer walks through what families should look for before saying yes.
They also tackle the harder part of decision season: disappointment.
Because a denial is not a verdict on your worth. A deferral is not a secret rejection. And a waitlist is a maybe you cannot build your life around.
A thoughtful college list matters even more when decisions begin arriving. If one decision does not go the way you hoped, the other schools on your list should still represent places you could genuinely see yourself attending. Read more about how to build a college list that actually makes sense.
And if you are navigating a waitlist, our practical guide to the college waitlist explains how to respond without putting the rest of your senior year on hold.
Plus, Lisa and Josh talk directly to parents about the first few minutes after a college decision arrives, why your reaction matters more than you may realize, and why sometimes the best thing you can do is skip the strategy and simply lead with love.
In this episode:
What to do after a college acceptance
Why you should compare financial aid before committing
What a college deferral actually means
When and how to send a Letter of Continued Interest
How midyear grades can affect a deferred application
What to do after a college denial
How to handle a college waitlist
Why students should not put their lives on hold for a “maybe”
What parents should say, and NOT say, when decisions arrive
How to keep one college decision from defining the rest of senior year
Whatever word shows up on that screen, remember: it is information, not a verdict. You can feel disappointed and still be okay. Both things can be true at the exact same time.
Want to dig deeper? Read our companion guide to accepted, denied, deferred, and waitlisted college decisions for a closer look at what each outcome means and what to do next.
Need help navigating your decisions, writing a Letter of Continued Interest, comparing offers, or ultimately finding the right fit? Contact us to learn more about working with Lisa and Josh. You can also learn more about our college counseling for seniors.
🎙️ Also available on: Apple Podcasts | Amazon Music | iHeart
Top Questions Answered in this Episode
What should you do after getting accepted to college?
Celebrate first, but unless the acceptance came through a binding Early Decision plan, you usually do not need to commit immediately. Take time to compare other offers, review financial aid packages, revisit fit, and confirm the enrollment deadline before submitting a deposit.
Why should you wait for financial aid before committing to a college?
An acceptance without the financial aid offer gives you only part of the picture. Grants, scholarships, loans, and the actual amount your family will need to pay can vary significantly between colleges, so students should compare the full offers before making a final decision.
What does it mean when a college defers your application?
A deferral is not a final decision. It usually means an application submitted in an early round has been moved into the Regular Decision pool and will be reconsidered alongside those applicants. The student is still under consideration, but the timeline has become longer.
Should you send a Letter of Continued Interest after being deferred?
If the college allows additional information, a Letter of Continued Interest can be worthwhile. It should reaffirm genuine interest in the school and provide meaningful new information, such as stronger grades, a new award, or another significant accomplishment. Always follow the college's specific deferral instructions first.
Do midyear grades matter after a college deferral?
They can. Many colleges review midyear reports when reconsidering deferred applicants, so strong senior-year grades or an upward academic trend may become an important new piece of the application.
What should you do after being denied by a college?
Give yourself permission to be disappointed, then return your attention to the rest of your college list. A denial from one college does not determine a student's worth or future, and a thoughtful, balanced list should include other schools the student could genuinely be excited to attend.
What should you do if you are waitlisted by a college?
If you would genuinely enroll if admitted, accept the waitlist position and follow the college's instructions for additional information or a Letter of Continued Interest. At the same time, commit to a college that has actually admitted you and begin getting excited about that option rather than putting your life on hold for an uncertain outcome.
How should parents react when a college decision disappoints their student?
Start by being a parent rather than immediately becoming a strategist. Students notice tone, facial expressions, pauses, and disappointment. Before asking what happened or discussing next steps, make sure your student knows that your pride in them has not changed because of one admissions decision..
Chapters
00:00 Accepted, Denied, Deferred: What Happens Next?
01:48 Accepted: Celebrate, Then Slow Down
04:15 Deferred: What It Actually Means
06:13 What to Do After a Deferral
07:49 Denied: When the Answer Hurts
11:06 Parents: Your Reaction Matters
13:05 Waitlisted: Don’t Build Your Life Around a Maybe
15:12 Hot Take or Hard Truth
16:29 Drop the Mic: Lead With Love
19:15 Coming Next: Choosing Between College Offers
Read the Full Episode Transcript
Josh (00:21)
Every week we drop the noise.
Lisa (00:23)
Drop the stress.
Josh (00:24)
And drop some knowledge.
Lisa (00:25)
Welcome to the Drop In, the College Admissions podcast by Decision Drop. If you want to learn more about our services or have Josh or I help your family through this process personally, head over to decisiondrop.com and check us out. and don't forget to like and subscribe.
Josh (00:41)
I'm Josh.
Lisa (00:41)
I'm Lisa. Let's go.
Josh (00:45)
All right, Lisa. So episode 11. And today's topic that we're going to discuss is all about helping students make sense of those application decisions that are starting to come in.
Lisa (00:55)
And this is the one that really hits differently because last week we talked about the wait and then this week we're gonna talk about what happens when the answers finally start showing up.
Josh (01:06)
Yeah. accepted, denied, deferred. Three words that mean very different things.
Lisa (01:12)
And here's what we want you to know before we get into it. We are giving you the practical stuff So what each decision actually means, what to do next, what you absolutely should not do.
But we're also going to talk about the part that nobody puts on that checklist. Because with these words and these decisions comes a lot of feelings that are attached with that. So for a lot of kiddos, this is the moment the whole process suddenly feels very real. And we are not going to pretend that that part does not matter.
Josh (01:45)
Exactly. All right. So let's get into it.
Lisa (01:47)
Okay.
Josh (01:48)
All right, so we're gonna start with the happy one, the happy decision, the one that all students and parents are hoping for, accepted.
Lisa (01:56)
Woohoo! Accepted the best word in the English language during the senior year. And first, if this is you this week, because we know some of you have already applied and you have actually gotten decisions back already, and you've gotten accepted, congratulations! Genuinely let yourself feel that you earned that kiddo.
Josh (02:18)
Yeah, congrats for me as well. Acceptances are great, but students and parents, please keep in mind that acceptances aren't the finish line. So there's still things to do and things not to do.
Lisa (02:29)
Great. So first, do not commit on the spot, even if you are thrilled, unless it is an early decision binding acceptance. In which you know because you've already committed, and now it's time to celebrate and follow all the enrollment steps on your student portal. But for regular acceptances, you really have until May 1st to decide. So use that time. Now.
A lot of schools will start sending you emails about hurrying up and making your decision. you can go ahead and and get that enrollment deposit paid and then you can get a dorm deposit. So there's a lot of things that you have to unpack, but truly you do typically have until May one to decide.
Josh (03:11)
Yeah, and it's important to use that time because obviously more acceptances may be coming in, and
Lisa (03:16)
Mm-hmm.
Josh (03:16)
most importantly, financial aid packages may be coming in as well. So you want to be in a situation where you can compare offers before you commit. So an acceptance without an aid letter, really, that's only half the picture. Also, students.
Please, please, please keep your grades up. Yes, we did say it last week. I think we said it on a previous podcast as well. And we're saying it again. So an acceptance is conditional, that condition being that you're gonna finish your senior year
Lisa (03:43)
Yes.
Josh (03:44)
on an academic high note. Senioritis, which we've also discussed before, it can still cost you an offer that you already have in your hand.
Lisa (03:51)
Right. So don't get senioritis. But in this moment, celebrate. Like really celebrate. Again, you earn this moment. So don't rush to the next step. Compare everything like Josh said, and make sure it still feels like the right fit. And then officially enroll. Okay, so now we're gonna talk about the one that makes everybody spiral a little or a lot. defer
Josh (04:15)
Yeah, and so this is the one I really want to talk about because it is extremely confusing. I would say it's probably the most emotionally brutal of the decisions that students can get back. And really there's not a lot of folks out there who really explain it that well, including colleges themselves. So we're gonna attempt this, and I'm gonna start by saying something as clearly as I possibly can. So students and parents, a deferral is not a final decision.
Lisa (04:40)
A deferral is not a final decision, y'all. It is not a hidden message. It is not something you need to decode at 2:00 AM. It simply means you are still being considered and the timeline, your timeline, just got a little bit longer.
Josh (04:56)
Right. so let's break it down in terms of
Lisa (04:59)
Okay.
Josh (04:59)
what's actually happening. So for students who may be deferred, that means that you applied early and instead of admitting you or denying you in the early round, the school moves you to their regular decision application pool where you'll be reconsidered alongside all the regular applicants and then you'll hear a final answer in the spring.
Lisa (05:17)
Right, and that's the part that actually stings because you've waited and waited. And y'all we know this, this is pretty much like a hurry up and wait situation. Like you've worked hard, you've gotten all your apps in, you got them in by the deadline, which is sometimes in October, early November, And you finally get an update, which is great. But then your heart drops into your stomach.
And then you realize you actually didn't get closure because it's not a yes and it's not a no. So you have to keep living your life while the answer stays unfinished. And that's hard and it's okay to admit that.
Josh (05:53)
Yeah, when I'm talking with students and as they're going through the deferral process is really a strange kind of limbo to be in. So it's not a yes, it's not a no, it's really just keep waiting.
Lisa (06:03)
Right, and here's the good news though. And this is real. Unlike a denial, a deferral means that the door is still open and there are actually concrete things that you can do about it.
Josh (06:13)
Yeah, so let's walk through those. So first and most importantly, read the school's deferral instructions carefully. So that's gonna be super important. Some schools will want specific actions from defer students. Some schools will explicitly say don't send additional materials. So whatever that school wants, read their instructions and follow what the specific school asks. Don't guess.
Lisa (06:35)
Okay, so that was number one. So number two, if they allow you to write a letter of continued interest, do it. It's short, it's a genuine note that reaffirms that that school is still your top choice. So update them on anything that's meaningful that's happened since you applied. So a new grade, a new award, a new accomplishment, all of the things.
Josh (06:55)
And if emphasis on if the school allows it, and it is your genuine number one choice, so this is where you can clearly say that. You can clearly say, If admitted, I will enroll. So that is powerful, but it's only powerful if it's actually true.
Lisa (07:10)
Right. Okay, so we've had one, two, okay, so the third one, keep your grades up because your mid-year report is going to be part of your reconsideration for most schools. So a strong upward trend can actually genuinely help here.
Josh (07:24)
Yeah. And the fourth thing, and this one is where some emotional discipline will come into play. We highly, highly encourage students and parents just for your information. Please also help your students. Students, don't put your life on hold waiting for a deferral to resolve. Keep moving forward on your other applications. You need to stay excited about your other schools because a deferral, it's not a promise. So you can't really bank on that.
Lisa (07:49)
okay, so we've had acceptance, we've had deferral, which brings us to the hardest word of all three denied.
Josh (07:58)
Yeah, and this one obviously you always wanna handle with care because it can be pretty painful, it can be pretty devastating to students who have worked so hard and put a ton of energy into these applications and to get a denial back is really hard.
Lisa (08:13)
It is. so to seniors who may see that word denied, It might come in December. Typically it'll start for the schools that you apply to for your October, your November. You might start seeing that in December, January. we want to talk to you directly for a second. we know it's early. So listen, lock in. This decision, it can hurt in a way that feels sharp.
And final, and it's okay if you're more upset than you expected to be. It's one school making a decision and a very crowded process. So grieve this version of the story you imagined, and then remember Your path is still unfolding. And this moment, it's not the end of your story, kiddos.
Josh (08:55)
Yeah, Lisa, you know, I I want to echo that and just reiterate that it's a very important point. Students, so a denial is not a verdict on your worth. Selective admissions in reality it's not a very clean measurement of how good or smart or deserving you are. There are wonderful qualified students denied from selective schools every single year simply because there are more of them applicants than there are spots available.
Lisa (09:19)
Exactly. And we want you to know that that can be really hard to believe when it's your denial sitting there on the screen, staring at you. So at some of these schools, being qualified is only the starting point because there are so many strong applicants. It can feel incredibly personal in that moment. But we want you to remember this, that decision, it says a whole lot less about you than you think it does.
Josh (09:45)
Exactly. and so practically, what do you do with a denial? So students, what do you do with that? So you can take this as your green light to feel what you you feel for a minute or two, take the time that you need, but then you need to come back to your plan. You need to keep showing up to class, you need to keep laughing and spending time with your friends, keep doing the normal things.
This process, this application process, it doesn't get to take all your oxygen. Remember, you're still a senior. We talked about this before. Be a senior.
Lisa (10:12)
Right. like feel it. Like really feel it. We are not telling you to have that toxic positivity. We're not telling you to do that. We're not telling you to put on a show for your friends, for your family, sometimes even for yourself. Simply sit in that feeling and really feel it. And then look at your list. The list that we've helped you build, the list that's balanced with schools that you genuinely love at every level.
Those other schools are still there. Those opportunities are still real. one closed door does not mean that the others are going to close. Keep that in mind.
Josh (10:46)
Yeah, and and this is where all that earlier work will start to pay off. So if you've built a thoughtful, balanced list, kinda like we discussed back in episode three, with those foundationslash likely schools that you'd actually be excited to attend, then a denial from one reach school, it is a disappointment, but it's not catastrophic. Your path is still very much intact.
Lisa (11:06)
Right. Okay. So we've talked to kids, we've talked to seniors. Now we want to talk directly to parents for a minute. So, kids, you know, stop listening for a second. Parents, lock in. Your role this week is very important and very specific. Parents, this week is going to be about a safe place to land for your kiddos. So be steady, be present.
Let your kiddo feel whatever shows up. You do not have to fix it. So a hug, a snack, or "I just want to sit with you for a moment." That can be everything. And it can mean everything. And here's the thing that we need you to hear. And I know we have said this a few times in other podcasts. So here we go, circling back again. Remember.
Your kiddos can handle disappointment. What they cannot handle is disappointing you.
Josh (12:01)
Yes, and Lisa, that's a really important point. so much of a teenager's fear in this moment isn't actually about the schools. It's about how they think that the parents will see them. So parents, your job is to make it very clear through your face, your voice, your body language, that your pride in your student and your love for them has nothing to do with any admissions decision at all.
Lisa (12:23)
So watch that sigh. Or watch the, well, what happened? Watch the disappointed pause. I mean, we've all been there. We've all heard it. We've probably even all done it. kiddos they all pick up on that. So in that first moment, just be their parent. Like Josh said, lead with warmth. The questions, the logistics, the "okay, what do we do next?" That can wait an hour.
I mean really, that could wait until tomorrow. So what your kid needs now is just for you to be as proud of them as you were five minutes before they opened that decision.
Josh (12:57)
Yeah, that's a great way to put it. Okay, so we're gonna transition and talk about one more decision,
I'll put that in air quotes that fits
Lisa (13:03)
Mm.
Josh (13:05)
here. So it wasn't included in our three word list that we had at the beginning of the episode, but it is important. The wait list.
Lisa (13:12)
The wait list. So think of this
Josh (13:14)
Yes.
Lisa (13:14)
like it's the spring version of a similar limbo. So the school isn't saying yes, but they're not saying no. They're saying if space opens up after May 1st, we'll come back to you. And I'm I'm gonna be honest, y'all. this is a college counseling hill that I will die on. I think more colleges should be up front with kids. If it's truly a deferral, let it be a deferral so they can come back and circle back.
and look at your kiddo again. But colleges, man, this is this is a side note for y'all. If it is truly a no, just tell the kids it's a no. Because if it's a no, you probably know it's a no, but now you're leaving these kids in limbo with a deferral or with a wait list. Just cut them loose and let them grieve, like we've been talking about, and move on and see their other options. Okay, maybe that
Josh (14:02)
Yeah.
Lisa (14:02)
was an early hot take. My bad. Okay, so.
There I am with those sound effects again. so what we're saying,
Josh (14:07)
Exactly.
Lisa (14:08)
what we're saying again, I'll go back to it. if you are waitlisted, they will say come back and check us out. We might have a spot for you.
Josh (14:16)
Yeah, and the truth about wait lists is that really movement varies enormously year to year and school to school. So some years a school will take a lot of students off the wait list, some years almost none. So students and parents on your side of things, you can't really predict it, which also means you can't count on it.
Lisa (14:33)
so if you are waitlisted at a school you love, accept the spot on the wait list. Send the letter of continued interest or they let you. And then this is the key. Emotionally commit to a school that has actually admitted you. So put your deposit down somewhere real. Get excited about that school that wants you. If the wait list comes through later, wonderful. But do not put your life on hold for a maybe.
Josh (14:59)
Exactly. Kids fall in love with the school that fell in love with you back.
Lisa (15:02)
Mmm, I love that. Woo another sticker.
Josh (15:04)
Yeah.
Course. Alrighty. So we're gonna transition from the sticker time to hot, take or hard truth time. So Lisa, why don't you get us started?
Lisa (15:12)
All right. I mean this with my whole heart. A denial from a school is not a rejection of who you are. The word rejected is the cruelest word in this whole process. And I wish we would actually stop using it.
You were not rejected. A school made a decision in a crowded, complicated process about one application in one year. That is not a measurement of your worth, your future, or your potential. Do not let one envelope or one portal update tell you who you are.
Josh (15:48)
That was pretty good one. I like that. Yeah.
Lisa (15:51)
Thank you.
Josh (15:52)
So, my hard truth. Students, a deferral is not a yes you should wait around for. So, in our work with students, we've seen students freeze their entire spring emotionally and practically waiting on a deferral to turn into an acceptance. Don't do that. Do the letter of continued interest if the school requests one.
Keep your grades up and then move forward with real energy on the schools that can still say yes. Hope for the deferral, but build your life around the schools that are actually choosing you.
Lisa (16:20)
Both of those come down to the same thing, don't they? Don't hand your sense of self or your momentum over to a decision that you cannot control.
Josh (16:29)
Bingo.
Lisa (16:29)
Okay, Josh, we're gonna switch it up this week. Okay, so you're up first. Drop the mic.
Josh (16:34)
Okay, so my final thought for students and parents. So this part of the process is going to test how you talk to each other, especially when the answer is not the one you hope for. So, as Lisa said, lead with love.
Before the questions, before the strategy, before the what do we do now conversations, make sure the person sitting next to you knows you're on their side. The logistics, they're gonna get figured out. They will take care of themselves. There will be another conversation about the next steps. But years from now, students, you probably won't remember every detail about what was said about the college list the night you got your decisions. You will remember how the people you love made you feel. So show up for each other first.
The rest, it'll take care of itself.
Lisa (17:17)
Josh. I think this episode should be called Lead with Love. I I love that. I mean no pun intended
Josh (17:22)
Maybe we have a new segment.
Lisa (17:23)
Maybe a new segment. Lead with Love. Love that. Drop the mic, hard take, and then Lead with Love. maybe we should start our podcast off with Lead with Love. Hmm.
Josh (17:32)
But we're gonna need some sound effects though, and not ones that we make ourselves.
Lisa (17:37)
Again, speak for yourself. I've really been working hard on these. So okay, we'll add that to the spreadsheet and we'll look into it. All right. That was beautiful. Okay, so my turn. All right, here we go. Kidddos. Whatever word shows up on that screen, accepted, denied, deferred, waitlisted, remember, it is information. It is not a verdict.
An acceptance is a beginning, not a finish line. A deferral means you are still in, you just have a longer timeline. A denial hurts, but it does not suddenly change who you are, what you've accomplished, or what you are capable of. And a wait list? That's a maybe. Kiddos, you cannot build your life around a maybe. Y'all are allowed to be disappointed, and you are allowed to be sad and
You're allowed to be frustrated, angry, confused. All of it. You can be all of it. You do not have to pretend you are fine five minutes after opening that decision that you really wanted to go differently. But here's the best part that I want you to remember. You can feel disappointment and you can still be okay. Both of those things can be true at the exact same time. So feel what you feel.
Give yourself the moment, then pick yourself back up and keep going. Because that school does not get to decide what is next for you.
Josh (19:03)
Nice. That's awesome. See, it would have been really
Lisa (19:04)
Thank you.
Josh (19:05)
great to have that little mic drop sound effect, but that's just me.
Lisa (19:10)
It is just you, Joshua.
Josh (19:12)
I don't think so. Maybe we should do a poll. Anyway, okay, so
Lisa (19:14)
Okay.
Josh (19:15)
next week on drop in for students and parents. So the acceptances are in, the aid letters
Lisa (19:20)
Mm.
Josh (19:20)
are arriving, and now comes a decision that's entirely yours to make. Choosing where you're actually gonna go.
Lisa (19:24)
Right.
Exciting. Okay, so we're gonna talk about how to compare offers, how to read financial aid awards, for what it really is, and how to make that final call when you're lucky enough to have more than one great option.
Josh (19:39)
Right, because choosing between good options is a wonderful problem to have, but it is still a problem.
Lisa (19:44)
Exactly, because a good problem to have does not mean a easy problem to solve. Am I right?
Josh (19:50)
You're right.
Lisa (19:51)
Thank you. Okay, I don't hear that very often, so thank you, Josh. All right, so we are Decision Drop, making your college journey collaborative, simple, and most importantly, yours. And if you would like to learn more about our services or have Josh and I guide your family through this process personally and walk through your decisions, even help with letters of continued interest, let us know. Head over to decisiondrop.com and check us out. and do not forget to like and subscribe.
Josh (20:18)
Thanks for dropping in. We'll see you all next week.
Lisa (20:20)
Alright, bye!
